SLICE OF LIFE: Faking it with football

With today being a big sports day, I have exciting news to share: pitchers and catchers report this month.

Thank God.

I've tried and tried, and as much as it pains me to fall into that stupid stereotype that women don't appreciate or like football, I'm guilty.

I don't get it. And I'm done faking it.

I will go to your football parties and drink your beer and eat your nachos, but I will no longer take up space on the couch and stare at a giant flat screen TV featuring a sport in which I have zero interest.

And if you insist on trying to explain stuff and "help" me into liking football, then be prepared for an onslaught of intentionally dumb and annoying questions and commentary, such as, "So, are we cheering for the guys in the white and blue or the guys in the blue and white?" and, "I know where I've seen that guy! He was dating that model and then they broke up after he was photographed canoodling with a stripper after her shift on the pole."

I'll still cheer for the Bears, because it's the team I grew up with, and I have a bunch of clothes bearing Bears logos. Actually, my fall jacket is a hooded Bears coat. Truth is, I got it cheap at "the Jewel's" and it's warm. That's why I wear it.

And I'll still cheer for Purdue, because I went to school there the same four years as NFL quarterback Drew Brees, so I have fond memories of watching him play.

I refer to him as "my friend, Drew Brees," even though I only saw him once at a shoe store in Tippecanoe Mall in Lafayette, when he waved to my friend, whom he actually knew, because he was a sports writer at The Exponent, the student newspaper where we worked.

But, the Bears and my friend Drew Brees aren't in today's big game. So, I'm supporting — with no particular enthusiasm — the New York Giants.

The only reason is because Dave Diehl is on the team, and he was a year or two behind me in grade school at St. Clare De Montefalco in Chicago. He was a nice enough kid.

So, there ya go. My secret is out. I enjoy the camaraderie of going to football games and going to game day parties at people's houses. But, as for the sport itself, I'm sorry. I'm just not a fan.

Now on to important things, like Robin Ventura's return to the Sox.

Vanessa Renderman covers Hammond for The Times. You can reach her at vanessa.renderman@nwi.com.