WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP | Am I the only one who talks to the snakes and lizards in the 4-H display barn?

The 4-H'ers are the backbone of the Porter County Fair, now packing them in at the Porter County Expo Center through Sunday. They are not just about raising farm animals and monster zucchini. The barn has everything from baked goods to what might be the largest collection of WMDs in the hands of civilians under the age of 16.

Despite being a naive country boy in rural Ohio, I was never into 4-H, which I think stands for head, heart, Happy and Handy Smurf. I always enjoy the 4-H displays, although not all the items seem to involve a lot of creativity.

They have the look of a science fair project whipped up the night before or while eating breakfast that morning, or so I've heard. The food entries, for instance, range from elaborately and skillfully decorated cakes that obviously required considerable preparation to a PB & J sandwich.

Not that there's anything wrong with a PB & J sandwich. It's just that some of the candles looked more appetizing. In fact, some of the candles look tastier than real ice cream sundaes and lemon meringue pies.

Among my favorite displays are the collections, and this year offered a few that differed from the usual Hot Wheels cars, shot glasses and the bugs on a stick. I particularly liked the skull collection, which, while not very extensive, had a certain macabre appeal. Others I like were the Pillsbury Doughboy, Boston terrier and Pez dispenser collections.

One 4-H'er obviously has a career in TV news ahead of him or her with a display board on the subject "Is Your Child Truly Safe in Your Car?" This was near the displays of rockets and other models of military hardware that had me wondering if I was truly safe in the 4-H display barn.

The chain saw artist was set up behind the barn cutting logs into large piles of sawdust. He also created impressive likenesses of a tree with an eagle in it or of a turkey, minus the cranberry sauce. I guess you could dye a pile of the sawdust to make that.

I wondered what he could do with some 4-H'ers' zucchini, some of which were only slightly smaller than the logs he was using. Maybe he could carve Mt. Rushmore into one using an electric carving knife.

After I've checked out all the scrapbooks, photo exhibits, farm dioramas, sewing and other crafts, I always end up back with the terrariums trying to coax a conversation out of a dragon lizard, a painted turtle or a rat snake. The snakes usually are hiding or hibernating, but turtles and lizards appear attentive.

I can't tell if they are listening to me and would respond if they could or if they are trying to control my mind through mental telepathy. All I know is I immediately went out looking a food vendor selling cheese flies.

The opinions are those of the writer. He can be reached cleaning the wax meringue out of his teeth at pwieland@nwitimes.com or (219) 548-4352.