PHIL WIELAND: If we believe the Mayans, Santa won't be flyin'

2012-12-21T00:00:00Z PHIL WIELAND: If we believe the Mayans, Santa won't be flyin'Phil Wieland phil.wieland@nwi.com, (219) 548-4352 nwitimes.com
December 21, 2012 12:00 am  • 

Just in case the world didn't end today, as some believe the Mayans predicted, I offer this rhyme as a substitute disaster.

They say the world is ending,

The final curtain's pending,

And today won't be just another day.

The thought is pretty numbing

That Santa might not be coming

I think the Mayans took his sleigh.

If the sun comes up Saturday,

Does that mean it's safe to say

The world might still continue if

We can stop the demonizing,

The politics of polarizing,

And step away from the fiscal cliff.

But, if today's our last one

How could some ancient Mayan

Foresee the fate that's coming due.

Are aliens going to bomb us?

And why didn't Nostradamus

Tell us that the end was coming too?

For end-of-the-world advice,

A second opinion's nice.

It's best for any day or age.

No sense in us all crying.

Shouldn't somebody be trying

To find the calendar's next page?

They have kiosks at the mall

With calendars for all

Occasions with Elvis on the cover.

Or make a dash to Walmart

And grab some granny's push cart

And, if she fights you, shove her.

Let nothing slow your mission

To get a new edition.

Ask if anybody saw one.

Recruit the National Guard,

But, if that proves too hard,

Then just sit down and draw one.

It's not like you'll mislead them

Since nobody can read them.

So draw some squarish figures on a rock.

Make sure they look like Mayan

Or possibly Hawaiian

But be sure you reset the clock.

You can say the end is due

In twelve thousand ninety-two

Or some other far distant year.

It doesn't really matter

If the Earth will heave and shatter

As long as we're no longer here.

We need more time to argue

Over the cause and also who

To blame for the world's untimely end.

Was it Sandy's storming?

What about global warming?

Was it the whole gay marriage trend?

Don't keep playing cat and mouse

In the Senate and the House

When real people's lives are at stake.

When all they do is filibuster,

We have less chance than General Custer

Of surviving the sincerity they fake.

It seems so very wrong

We can't all get along

Especially at this giving time of year.

We sing carols that are full of

Thoughts of peace, joy and love

While preaching who to hate and fear.

If we don't improve ourselves,

Neither Santa nor his elves

Can save us from this Mayan demise.

And, if the Earth's end is here

And we're all about to disappear,

It could be God decided to downsize.

The opinions are those of the writer. He can be reached at phil.wieland@nwi.com or (219) 548-4352.

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