PHIL WIELAND: Putting the X into Christmas carols

2012-11-30T00:00:00Z PHIL WIELAND: Putting the X into Christmas carolsPhil Wieland phil.wieland@nwi.com, (219) 548-4352 nwitimes.com
November 30, 2012 12:00 am  • 

I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but it doesn't mean I'm not filled with holiday spirit. Ho-ho-ho.

Christmas carols can help your holiday mood, unless your office Muzak station just played "Feliz Navidad" for the 912th time in the past two hours. In that case, I understand if you are looking forward to reindeer steaks on Christmas Day.

To help revive your ho-ho-ho, here are a few carols based on recent news events. The first is a tender tune to "Away in a Manger" about Porter County officials' ongoing debate over what to do with its own jackpot from the sale of Porter hospital and Porter County Treasurer Mike Bucko's own plan.

"Away in a bank vault the sale money lies.

The county won't spend it tho' everyone tries.

The interest's accruing, the poor public waits

For someone to offer them nice tax rebates.

The commission has one plan, the council says no.

While Bucko has opened a bank with the dough.

He's loaning Lake County a nice tidy pot,

Which they will repay from the funds they ain't got."

If that didn't stop you from getting your Grinch on, maybe a few fa-la-la-las will do it based on Indiana State Police Superintendent Paul Whitesell's endorsement of legalizing and taxing marijuana.

"Deck the halls with marijuana

(Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la)

If they change the law we're gonna

(Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la)

Make it legal and just tax it

(If you smoke, take a toke and you'll see)

Call your order in or fax it.

(Help the state get high on solvency)"

Did that give your nose a little glow, Rudolph? Lets turn up the wattage with "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town" inspired by the Portage City Council's decision to update its ethics ordinance after Mayor James Snyder was found to have vacationed at the home of a local contractor who does business with the city.

"You better not pout, they're changing the rules

Portage found out that ethics are cool

Every time the mayor leaves town.

They're making a list of all that he's done.

If any are missed, they're still having fun

Every time the mayor leaves town.

They know where he's been sleeping

And if that house he owns.

The ordinance leaves room for doubt

But they feel it in their bones.

So, the law is unclear, but they'll get it straight

The council's sincere; they won't hesitate

As long as no one checks on them too."

Let's bring that nose to a full boil with this familiar song about the Porter Town Council's ordinance to charge for fire service.

"Jingle bells, something smells.

Your house could soon be gone.

Porter's here to save your home

We'll bill you later on. Oh...

Never fear. Sign right here.

We'll check your credit debts.

We've even got a twofer sale

On saving kids or pets."

The opinions are those of the writer. He can be reached at phil.wieland@nwi.com or (219) 548-4352.

Copyright 2014 nwitimes.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Follow The Times

Featured Businesses

Submit a Letter to Editor

We welcome letters from readers on any issue of public interest, and make every effort to publish as many as we can and in a timely manner. The Times will publish only one letter a month from a writer, and be sure to include your name, address and a telephone number for verification. Letters should be 150 words or less. They will be edited.

Letters may be submitted:
  • Via our submission form.
  • Via e-mail.
  • Via fax: (219) 933-3249 or (219) 465-7298
  • Via mail or by hand to our offices:
    • 601 45th Ave., Munster, IN 46321
    • 2080 N. Main St., Crown Point, IN 46307
    • 1111 Glendale Blvd., Valparaiso, IN 46383
    • 3410 Delta Dr., Portage, IN 46368
    • Please mark envelopes with "Attn: Letters"

Questions?

Email Editorial Page Editor Doug Ross or call (219) 548-4360 or (219) 933-3357

Poll

Loading…

Who should win the Democratic nomination for Lake County assessor?

View Results

National Video