PHIL WIELAND: The long, winding road to Long Beach

Memo to the Sierra Club:

If you want to make a big announcement about something like the coalition to support NIPSCO's clean energy initiatives, do it at someplace more conveniently located than the Long Beach Old School Community Center.

Like Mars.

I didn't know there was a Long Beach in Indiana until told to cover the Sierra Club's unveiling of its Clean Energy Future Coalition last week. I doubt a GPS, an Indian guide or an Indian guide with a GPS would guarantee a trip to Long Beach without getting lost.

Allegedly located on Lake Michigan east of Michigan City, Long Beach has a lot of big houses crowded onto small lots that probably were once sand dunes. The roads wind, rise and fall in ways that would give a mountain goat vertigo.

As I tried to follow Oriole Trail to the community center, I wondered if even the residents can find their way around without a trail of bread crumbs or, judging by the houses, caviar-covered crackers and Champagne magnums.

I set out from Valpo just before sunset and made one wrong turn (my fault for misreading the directions in the dim light) and missed the main entrance into Long Beach (my fault for not having a searchlight mounted on my car to read the signs).

Apparently I wasn't the only one confused by the maze of merging streets. The first person I met at the center commented that the Minotaur would have gotten lost, a reference an old Greek mythology buff like me appreciated.

I started back for Valpo about 5:45 p.m., so it was dark. Within 50 feet of leaving the center, I made a wrong turn and never saw Oriole Trail again. I think the roads shift like sand dunes every hour or two. After several turns, I found myself on a fairly straight road.

It appeared the road followed the lakeshore. I could hear what sounded like waves splashing on the shore, but it might have been the rising tide in my bladder. I thought I had turned south, but somehow I ended up north. Now the question was: Was I heading to Michigan City or Detroit?

Another question was: When were the police going to find me? I drove slowly, and, in such an upscale neighborhood, that made me a "suspicious-looking vehicle." I kept driving, hoping I'd see a familiar road or landmark. Unfortunately, I don't know too many roads or landmarks in Michigan City or Detroit.

After what seemed like several days, the road widened and I could see city lights. The road also began to wind crazily again, and I think I saw a Minotaur looking dazed and confused, but it might have been a deer or a congressman. Finally, I saw a sign for U.S. 12, a road I was familiar with.

Imagine my relief. I'll tell you all about it as soon as I get back to the office. I should be there by Christmas.

The opinions are those of the writer. He can be reached at phil.wieland@nwi.com or (219) 548-4352.