YOUNG VOICES: Why I won't (and can't) run for president

I've been through my fair share of election years. Having survived four presidential elections, I know how these things usually work. Sure, I watched "Sesame Street" instead of the Clinton/Dole debate in 1996, but I did follow the 2004 election and proudly gave my intelligent high school opinion when the star of "Sarah Palin's Alaska" was the vice presidential nominee in 2008.

But in 2012 (the first time I can vote), I made sure to closely follow the election. The problem, however, is the candidates. Based on what I've read about them from reliable sources like Facebook and Twitter, I've come to the conclusion that I can do what they propose even better.

With this evidence, I've decided that I should be president. I would be eligible to run in 2028, but I've begun to consider my presidential qualities now.

For starters, voters want to sympathize with a candidate who had humble beginnings. For example, Millard Fillmore is one of the only presidents to grow up in a log cabin. Unfortunately for me, my humble beginnings consisted of my father not turning on the air conditioning when I thought it was too hot in our home. Also, Northwest Indiana doesn't have many log cabins to begin with.

I do, however, have no money, quite a humble reality. Mitt Romney's wealth has been a problem for voters. Thank goodness I won't have that "problem." Unfortunately, based on my income (I don't get paid for these columns, people), I doubt I'll be able to make it to the Iowa caucus, let alone the debates in Georgia or Arizona. Maybe by 2028, debates will be around Dyer, Munster and Valparaiso.

Also, I have a background that could harm my chances of being leader of the free world. When I was in third grade, I stole a crayon from Susie in art class. I played church softball, but I never fought in any major wars. My past is already tainted. My opponents will surely dig this up and use it against me in 2028.

But all of these really don't matter if I have a catchy campaign slogan. Perhaps "I like Jared" is adequate, or "Some hope, not a lot of change." Unfortunately, according to my campaign manager, or Mom, those slogans aren't catchy. The only thing that rhymes with "Jared" is "Herod," and we all know how that could end.

In the end, I'm really not suited to be president of the United States (surprise!). It's best to leave to it to the Barack Obama-Mitt Romney-Newt Gingrich-Millard Fillmore types. I will, however, still accept funding for my potential campaign.

Jared Huhta, of St. John, is a freshman at Huntington University. The opinion expressed in this column is the writer's and not necessarily that of The Times.