First, you get Harry Reid (D) and Mitch McConnell (R) from the Senate, and John Boehner (R) and Nancy Pelosi (D) from the House.
Then shut down President Barack Obama's golf course and basketball court where he plays, and ground Air Force One. He has to be part of these negotiations, too.
You lock all of them in a room for 24 hours, and feed them baloney sandwiches until they get an agreement. I am sure there would be an agreement in a few days.
Then Obama can hold a press conference and pat himself on the back for such a good job he did. After all, he would be so full of baloney he would be happy to talk to the press.
- Edward Jagoda, Rensselaer