An Open Letter To Alice Cooper

2013-08-26T15:14:00Z An Open Letter To Alice CooperRick Kaempfer
August 26, 2013 3:14 pm  • 

I like to take a moment to communicate directly with the great Alice Cooper.

Alice, I don’t want you take this the wrong way, but I really think it’s time for you rewrite the lyrics to your classic rock song “School’s Out”. Here’s the thing, Alice. Kids today aren’t really listening to Alice Cooper. But their parents are still fans, and the lyrics don’t really speak to us anymore. When school really is out for summer, we’re no longer giddy with excitement.

I understand that you wouldn’t want to change the lyrics to help us get over the “yikes, they’ll be home all day, all summer” fear—that wouldn’t fit the tone of the music. But what if you rewrote the lyrics to be about school going back in session in the fall? That’s when we feel the excitement that your power chords so eloquently convey.

I’m just going to take a quick stab at it. Feel free to tweak it. It’s yours, free of charge.

Well we’ll have no noise,

No screaming girls or boys,

No toys left to destroy,

No siblings to annoy,

Well, we can’t help smiling,

Watching you pout,

Don’t let the door hit ya,

On the way out.

School’s Back in Session

School’s Back For Autumn

School, They’re All Yours Now

No more “I’m bored”,

No “When’s Lunches?”

No more Wii games leading to punches,

While they’re sitting in class,

And hoping that they pass,

Our stereo’s at full blast,

Where’s my cocktail glass?

School’s Back in Session

School’s Back Completely,

School, They’re All Yours Now

You could put this baby back out and release it around Labor Day. I’m telling ya’, it could be another hit.

Your pal,


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