Parental guidance: Is your child being bullied?

When parents pick up a newspaper or go online these days for the latest information on education, it seems they're just as likely to find a story on bullying as they are about reading or math scores. What was once seen as a simple coming-of-age problem — a fact-of-life rite of passage that most kids just endured — has turned into a defining childhood and adolescent concern, one that affects the social, physical, psychological and academic well-being of kids of all ages and genders. Meanwhile, technological advancements have only served to increase the risks.

Indeed, bullying has morphed into the kind of problem that touches almost every child in some way, shape or form — be it as aggressors, victims or observers.

LaSaundra Gordon has seen bullying develop into a major area of concern for the parents and kids she assists as a child, adolescent and adult therapist at the New Leaf Resources social service agency in Lansing. She's also noticed how the conversation has expanded from what many traditionally think of as bullying — physical intimidation among mostly teens — to include a variety of other behaviors and actions that are affecting an ever widening range of age groups. She cites a statistic from the 2009 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey finding that about 1 in 5 teens had been bullied at school in the last year.

"The most prevalent forms of bullying are generally physical (hitting, kicking, spitting, shoving, etc.), verbal, and emotional (such as social exclusion), but we're also seeing more cases of cyberbullying — text messages, social networks, email and so forth," she explains. "When kids are cyberbullied — say a picture is posted or they are talked about on Facebook — that is there for all to see, so the trauma has longer-lasting effects."

As the numbers ratchet up, Gordon believes that parents and their children are still best served by employing the same observations and methods that have long been advised to try and identify a potential bullying problem as early as possible.

"Parents should pay attention and take notice of differences in their child, such as if the child suddenly no longer wants to go to school or is afraid to ride the bus," she says. "Victims of bullying generally become withdrawn, have excessive feelings of isolation, feelings of being picked on and persecuted, excessive feelings of rejection, low school interest and poor academic performance, discipline problems and uncontrolled anger."

Gordon notes that many children who are bullied are reluctant to share their feelings outright, so it's often up to parents to notice any emotional or behavioral changes and to try and instigate a dialogue. If a bullying situation does exist, the parents' first and foremost responsibility is to make their child feel supported and loved, and then to step in and take appropriate action with school officials and administrators.

"Bullying will not stop if the adults do not intervene," Gordon says. "Parents should contact the school and speak to the child's teacher, school counselor, principal or administrator, and be prepared to work alongside the school to identify ways to work together to end bullying. Parents should follow up with their child and the teacher to see what progress has been made, meaning if the atmosphere or climate has changed and if the child is still being bullied; at times the authorities may need to be brought into the situation."

Most of all, Gordon notes, parents need to help their child move beyond the bullying episode and come away with a positive means of dealing with potential future incidents.

"Parents should find ways to build their child's confidence, self-esteem, social skills and teach them how to be assertive to better be able to deal with bullies or bullying behavior," she says. "Help your child identify activities that he or she can join and be a part of, and make sure that home is always a safe haven."