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A Fine Mess: The Road to Dubrovnik, an adventure for the middle ages

When my buddies suggested that we go on a European vacation together (just the guys) to celebrate our 50th birthdays, I figured my wife would quickly put the kibosh on the idea.

November 17, 2013 5:00 am

A Fine Mess: Making Use of the Useless

I’ve always prided myself in my encyclopedic knowledge of useless information. It was acquired through years of grueling research—watching hours upon hours of mindless television, listening to hours upon hours of unsubstantial radio, and reading an untold number of articles and books filled …

September 23, 2013 3:47 pm

An Open Letter To Alice Cooper

I like to take a moment to communicate directly with the great Alice Cooper.

August 26, 2013 3:14 pm

Honk You

I’ve never been a honker. I don’t like being honked at, so I almost never honk the horn. In my mind, there are only two legitimate reasons to do so.

August 19, 2013 3:14 pm
Same Words, Different Messenger

Same Words, Different Messenger

If you see me this week and I look a little twitchy, there's a very good reason for that. School's out for summer.

August 12, 2013 12:00 am
Headphones

Headphones

If you see me this week and I look a little twitchy, there's a very good reason for that. School's out for summer.

August 05, 2013 12:00 am
A Fine Mess: Dress Code for the Golf Course

A Fine Mess: Dress Code for the Golf Course

I have fought on the front lines of the dress code wars for many years now.

July 29, 2013 1:00 pm
Birthday performance art

Birthday performance art

If you see me this week and I look a little twitchy, there's a very good reason for that. School's out for summer.

July 29, 2013 12:00 am Photos

Photos

Father Knows Nothing: Baby Boomers

Father Knows Nothing: Baby Boomers

Every parent with multiple children runs into this issue eventually-one of your children (or maybe all of them) eventually believe that you favor one kid over another. It's inevitable.

July 21, 2013 12:45 pm
Father Knows Nothing: The Fight Twighlight Zone

Father Knows Nothing: The Fight Twighlight Zone

Every parent with multiple children runs into this issue eventually-one of your children (or maybe all of them) eventually believe that you favor one kid over another. It's inevitable.

July 14, 2013 12:45 pm

A Fine Mess: 50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years

I swear I'm not a technophobe.

June 24, 2013 12:00 am
June 17th

June 17th

If you see me this week and I look a little twitchy, there's a very good reason for that. School's out for summer.

June 17, 2013 12:00 am
School's out for the summer (yikes).

School's out for the summer (yikes).

If you see me this week and I look a little twitchy, there's a very good reason for that. School's out for summer.

June 03, 2013 12:00 am
Nobody mows the trouble I've seen

Nobody mows the trouble I've seen

When I was still working in morning radio in Chicago, I always dreaded Tuesdays. Getting up at 3:00am on a Monday morning was difficult, but not impossible.

May 27, 2013 12:00 am
I Hate Tuesdays

I Hate Tuesdays

When I was still working in morning radio in Chicago, I always dreaded Tuesdays. Getting up at 3:00am on a Monday morning was difficult, but not impossible.

May 24, 2013 12:00 am

A Fine Mess: Slowing it down

I swear I'm not a technophobe.

May 16, 2013 12:00 am
Mother's Day

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is this coming weekend, and I wanted to take a few moments to praise a mother I greatly admire-the mother of my children, my wife Bridget.

May 13, 2013 12:00 am
Efficient Sickness

Efficient Sickness

Mother's Day is this coming weekend, and I wanted to take a few moments to praise a mother I greatly admire-the mother of my children, my wife Bridget.

May 03, 2013 12:00 am
Jackie Robinson

Jackie Robinson

My youngest son Sean lives and breathes baseball. He can't get enough of playing the game, watching it on television, listening to it on the radio, or reading about the legends of the sport.

April 29, 2013 12:00 am
Sunshine on a cloudy day

Sunshine on a cloudy day

My 10-year-old son Sean has a character trait that I greatly admire. He is perpetually enthusiastic. No task is too mundane for Sean.

April 19, 2013 12:00 am
DS Hunt

DS Hunt

Everybody that meets my dog Ivy assumes that she's a boy. I guess I can understand why. She looks and sounds pretty tough.

March 19, 2013 12:00 am
The Lady is a Tramp

The Lady is a Tramp

Everybody that meets my dog Ivy assumes that she's a boy. I guess I can understand why. She looks and sounds pretty tough.

March 11, 2013 12:00 am
Blade Runner Story Problems

Blade Runner Story Problems

I know the danger of early deadlines. I once wrote an article about a famous television personality that had to be submitted to my magazine's editor three months before publication date.

March 05, 2013 12:00 am

Worry-itis

I'm a natural worrier.

February 25, 2013 7:30 am
John Landecker: 'Records' Truly is My Middle Name

John Landecker: 'Records' Truly is My Middle Name

John Records Landecker is on the air every night in Chicago on WLS-FM (94.7FM).

February 19, 2013 12:00 am Photos

Photos

Talent Show

My son Sean (age 10) is a master negotiator. He has been incredibly adept at this since he learned how to talk.

February 18, 2013 7:30 am
A Fine Mess: Mike Royko says I'm a genius

A Fine Mess: Mike Royko says I'm a genius

Let’s face it, humor writers are never taken seriously.

February 18, 2013 12:00 am
Master Negotiator

Master Negotiator

My son Sean (age 10) is a master negotiator. He has been incredibly adept at this since he learned how to talk.

February 11, 2013 7:30 am
Not so Super Sunday

Not so Super Sunday

You'd think Super Bowl Sunday would be a huge deal to a household with a sports-nut father, a relatively sports-literate mother, and three sons. You would be wrong.

February 04, 2013 7:30 am
Mr. Responsible

Mr. Responsible

I don't want to say that my mother and sister consider me to be slightly irresponsible, but if I ever get a call from either of them asking me to take them somewhere, I immediately know that they have already exhausted every other conceivable option.

January 28, 2013 7:30 am
Rip Van Tommy

Rip Van Tommy

Our son Tommy was sleeping in as he always does on the weekend, and Bridget turned to me and said: "What if we don’t wake him up today at all, and just see how long it takes for him to get up on his own?"

January 21, 2013 7:30 am

Yogi Mom

Every year my mom can be counted on for at least one Yogi-Berra-caliber unintentional quote.

January 14, 2013 7:30 am

The 2012 Anti-"Christmas Newsletter"

My family’s Christmas newsletter has been described by a few of my friends as the "anti-Christmas newsletter", but I think that description is a bit strong.

January 07, 2013 7:30 am

Veto Power

This week two hilarious things happened in my house to two different sons, and both boys forbade me from writing about it.

December 17, 2012 7:30 am

Argument Scoreboard

I define arguments this way: one person strongly believes the opposite thing as the other one, and neither one is willing to budge.

December 17, 2012 7:30 am
Father Knows Nothing: Talkin' bout my g-g-g-generation

Father Knows Nothing: Talkin' bout my g-g-g-generation

It was our third concert together, and our second in two weeks. This time it was The Who at the All State Arena. I was looking forward to sharing this stereotypical experience of my g-g-g-generation with my son.

December 03, 2012 9:00 am

Talkin' bout my g-g-g-generation

It was our third concert together, and our second in two weeks. This time it was The Who at the All State Arena. I was looking forward to sharing this stereotypical experience of my g-g-g-generation with my son.

December 03, 2012 7:30 am

Hello, is there anybody in there?

Last week I took my 17-year-old son Tommy to a concert featuring the band Australian Pink Floyd.

November 26, 2012 7:30 am
Father Knows Nothing: Hello, is there anybody in there?

Father Knows Nothing: Hello, is there anybody in there?

Last week I took my 17-year-old son Tommy to a concert featuring the band Australian Pink Floyd. It was one half of his birthday present.

November 23, 2012 9:00 am
Father Knows Nothing: The Little Brother Police

Father Knows Nothing: The Little Brother Police

My middle son Johnny is caught between two worlds. On the one hand, he's only 14 and still considers himself a kid. On the other hand, he's in high school now, so he's beginning to grow up.

November 19, 2012 9:00 am

A New Romance Language

My middle son Johnny is caught between two worlds.

November 19, 2012 7:30 am

The Little Brother Police

My middle son Johnny is caught between two worlds.

November 12, 2012 7:30 am
Father Knows Nothing: Character Builder

Father Knows Nothing: Character Builder

When I agreed to coach my son Sean’s soccer team, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew I was probably getting a little old to do this, and I hadn’t coached in about seven or eight years, but I’ve been involved in soccer in one form or another for 45 years. How hard could it be?

November 05, 2012 9:00 am

Character Builder

When I agreed to coach my son Sean’s soccer team, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew I was probably getting a little old to do this (I’ll be 50 next summer), and I hadn’t coached in about seven or eight years, but I’ve been involved in soccer in one form or another for 45 y…

November 05, 2012 7:30 am
Father Knows Nothing: The Patriarch

Father Knows Nothing: The Patriarch

Ever since a very tragic few years several decades ago when we lost my grandparents, my dad, and my uncle, one after the other, back-to-back-to-back-to-back, Manny has been the man of the family; the patriarch.

October 29, 2012 9:00 am

The Patriarch

I just got word that my Uncle Manny passed away. He was 69 years old.

October 22, 2012 7:30 am
Father Knows Nothing: Another 'hold your breath' moment

Father Knows Nothing: Another 'hold your breath' moment

There are moments in life when your heart is telling you to scream, but your head realizes that if you do, you'll just make the situation worse. I call these "hold your breath" moments.

October 15, 2012 9:00 am

17 years ago this week

My son Tommy was born 17 years ago this week. Every year around his birthday I like to re-post this transcript of the telephone call I made to the John Records Landecker show two hours after his birth. At the time I was the executive producer of the show. The participants on the phone call a…

October 14, 2012 8:15 am

Another “Hold Your Breath” Moment

There are moments in life when your heart is telling you to scream, but your head realizes that if you do, you’ll just make the situation worse. I call these “hold your breath” moments.

October 07, 2012 8:14 am
Father Knows Nothing: Smart phone, dumb dad

Father Knows Nothing: Smart phone, dumb dad

I couldn't find my cell phone for a few days, and I was starting to think that I had lost it. But one afternoon while I was sitting on the couch, I heard it ring.

October 01, 2012 9:00 am
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