I Hate Tuesdays

When I was still working in morning radio in Chicago, I always dreaded Tuesdays. Getting up at 3:00am on a Monday morning was difficult, but not impossible.

A Fine Mess: Slowing it down

I swear I'm not a technophobe.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is this coming weekend, and I wanted to take a few moments to praise a mother I greatly admire-the mother of my children, my wife Bridget.

Efficient Sickness

Mother's Day is this coming weekend, and I wanted to take a few moments to praise a mother I greatly admire-the mother of my children, my wife Bridget.

Jackie Robinson

My youngest son Sean lives and breathes baseball. He can't get enough of playing the game, watching it on television, listening to it on the radio, or reading about the legends of the sport.

Sunshine on a cloudy day

My 10-year-old son Sean has a character trait that I greatly admire. He is perpetually enthusiastic. No task is too mundane for Sean.

DS Hunt

Everybody that meets my dog Ivy assumes that she's a boy. I guess I can understand why. She looks and sounds pretty tough.

The Lady is a Tramp

Everybody that meets my dog Ivy assumes that she's a boy. I guess I can understand why. She looks and sounds pretty tough.

Blade Runner Story Problems

I know the danger of early deadlines. I once wrote an article about a famous television personality that had to be submitted to my magazine's editor three months before publication date.

Worry-itis

I'm a natural worrier.

John Landecker: 'Records' Truly is My Middle Name

John Records Landecker is on the air every night in Chicago on WLS-FM (94.7FM).

Talent Show

My son Sean (age 10) is a master negotiator. He has been incredibly adept at this since he learned how to talk.

A Fine Mess: Mike Royko says I'm a genius

Let’s face it, humor writers are never taken seriously.

Master Negotiator

My son Sean (age 10) is a master negotiator. He has been incredibly adept at this since he learned how to talk.

Not so Super Sunday

You'd think Super Bowl Sunday would be a huge deal to a household with a sports-nut father, a relatively sports-literate mother, and three sons. You would be wrong.

Mr. Responsible

I don't want to say that my mother and sister consider me to be slightly irresponsible, but if I ever get a call from either of them asking me to take them somewhere, I immediately know that they have already exhausted every other conceivable option.

Rip Van Tommy

Our son Tommy was sleeping in as he always does on the weekend, and Bridget turned to me and said: "What if we don’t wake him up today at all, and just see how long it takes for him to get up on his own?"

Yogi Mom

Every year my mom can be counted on for at least one Yogi-Berra-caliber unintentional quote.

The 2012 Anti-"Christmas Newsletter"

My family’s Christmas newsletter has been described by a few of my friends as the "anti-Christmas newsletter", but I think that description is a bit strong.

Veto Power

This week two hilarious things happened in my house to two different sons, and both boys forbade me from writing about it.

Argument Scoreboard

I define arguments this way: one person strongly believes the opposite thing as the other one, and neither one is willing to budge.

Father Knows Nothing: Talkin' bout my g-g-g-generation

It was our third concert together, and our second in two weeks. This time it was The Who at the All State Arena. I was looking forward to sharing this stereotypical experience of my g-g-g-generation with my son.

Talkin' bout my g-g-g-generation

It was our third concert together, and our second in two weeks. This time it was The Who at the All State Arena. I was looking forward to sharing this stereotypical experience of my g-g-g-generation with my son.

Hello, is there anybody in there?

Last week I took my 17-year-old son Tommy to a concert featuring the band Australian Pink Floyd.

Father Knows Nothing: Hello, is there anybody in there?

Last week I took my 17-year-old son Tommy to a concert featuring the band Australian Pink Floyd. It was one half of his birthday present.

Father Knows Nothing: The Little Brother Police

My middle son Johnny is caught between two worlds. On the one hand, he's only 14 and still considers himself a kid. On the other hand, he's in high school now, so he's beginning to grow up.

A New Romance Language

My middle son Johnny is caught between two worlds.

The Little Brother Police

My middle son Johnny is caught between two worlds.

Father Knows Nothing: Character Builder

When I agreed to coach my son Sean’s soccer team, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew I was probably getting a little old to do this, and I hadn’t coached in about seven or eight years, but I’ve been involved in soccer in one form or another for 45 years. How hard could it be?

Character Builder

When I agreed to coach my son Sean’s soccer team, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew I was probably getting a little old to do this (I’ll be 50 next summer), and I hadn’t coached in about seven or eight years, but I’ve been involved in soccer in one form or another for 45 y…

Father Knows Nothing: The Patriarch

Ever since a very tragic few years several decades ago when we lost my grandparents, my dad, and my uncle, one after the other, back-to-back-to-back-to-back, Manny has been the man of the family; the patriarch.

The Patriarch

I just got word that my Uncle Manny passed away. He was 69 years old.

Father Knows Nothing: Another 'hold your breath' moment

There are moments in life when your heart is telling you to scream, but your head realizes that if you do, you'll just make the situation worse. I call these "hold your breath" moments.

17 years ago this week

My son Tommy was born 17 years ago this week. Every year around his birthday I like to re-post this transcript of the telephone call I made to the John Records Landecker show two hours after his birth. At the time I was the executive producer of the show. The participants on the phone call a…

Another “Hold Your Breath” Moment

There are moments in life when your heart is telling you to scream, but your head realizes that if you do, you’ll just make the situation worse. I call these “hold your breath” moments.

Father Knows Nothing: Smart phone, dumb dad

I couldn't find my cell phone for a few days, and I was starting to think that I had lost it. But one afternoon while I was sitting on the couch, I heard it ring.

Smart Phone, Dumb Dad

I couldn’t find my cellphone for a few days, and I was starting to think that I had lost it. But one afternoon while I was sitting on the couch (a rarity for me–I’m usually, um, let’s say running or doing really physical things), I heard it ring.

The Birth of Sean Kaempfer

My youngest son Sean turned ten years this old week. A full decade. I can’t believe it’s been that long.

A Fine Mess: Most Memorable Meal

I've always considered myself to be a food adventurer. My motto is this: I will try anything once. Of course, that's a much easier motto to live by when I'm in the United States. It really gets tested when I travel overseas.

A Fine Mess: Fashion faux pas of the fashion-criminally-insane

I’ve been a frequent contributor to Shore magazine since it was founded in 2005, but this issue marks a milestone for me. It’s the first time I’ve ever been asked to contribute to the Fashion and Design issue.

Knocking out the Swagger

All boys have a tendency to swagger a little bit, so I’ve always believed that one of my duties as a father was knocking them down a peg or two. Now before you get all new agey on me, just let me say that I don’t do anything to damage their psyche, and I don’t humiliate them in front of thei…

Father Knows Nothing: Doggy heaven

My dog Ivy has become my constant companion. As soon as the boys leave for school every morning, it's just the two of us, man and dog, and she has learned to live life at my pace.

Losing the Husband Vote

Don’t run away, this isn’t a political column. But it is about something Mitt Romney said in his speech the other night.

Doggy Heaven

My dog Ivy has become my constant companion. As soon as the boys leave for school every morning, it’s just the two of us; man and dog. When the boys are around they can still whip her into a frenzy, but when it’s just Ivy and me, she has learned to live life at my pace: Sloooooooooooow.

Father Knows Nothing: Student driver

I had gone over every element of physically driving the car. The gas pedal, the brakes, the gears, the steering wheel, the blinkers. "Are you ready to try this?" I asked.

Student Driver

Tommy had already aced the mid-term in the driver’s ed class. Zero wrong out of a hundred questions.

Lady of the Flies

During the recent heat wave our dog Ivy got a little lazy. Instead of going to the back of our yard to do her business, she began to do it just outside our backdoor. I’m usually pretty good about picking up after her right away, but I missed one the other day.