Denise Jones-Williams, licensed family therapist New Leaf Resources, says time alone can help you hear that voice inside and work through difficult times.
Spending time alone isn’t always what it seems.
For instance, if you ask someone who was alone for a few hours how he or she utilized that time, chances are the answer would involve a smartphone — for chatting, gaming, scrolling or some combination thereof.
It's far less likely that this person spent time with his or her thoughts. And while social connections and interaction are important to one’s health and happiness, there’s something to be said for the lost art of simply thinking for pleasure.
“Spending time alone with one's own thoughts is a great tool to use for mental health clarity,” explains Cynthia Spencer, a social worker at the Methodist Hospital Center for Advanced Clinical Studies in Merrillville, whose work includes assessing the psychosocial health needs of cancer patients. “A recent study from the National Science Foundation concluded that an individual has 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day. With that many thoughts, spending time alone can help put things into proper perspective, help decrease confusion and anxiousness and allow an individual to better understand his or her thoughts.”
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Some additional benefits of solitude include quieting one’s mind for clarity, inspiration, relaxation and stress relief, says Denise Jones-Williams, a marriage and family therapist at New Leaf Resources in Lansing.
“When you find time for periods of silence, the brain gets a break from the constant inundation of information and sensory overload,” she notes. “This allows for the chance to ‘listen within’ to what the heart is trying to tell us.”
Given these potential benefits, it would seem that people would be clamoring for the opportunity to get some true time to spend with their thoughts. But some people may feel uncomfortable with the idea of being alone, particularly those suffering from a mental disorder or deep-seated trauma, Jones-Williams says. Others may purposely distract themselves from being alone with their thoughts to avoid dealing with unresolved issues, opting instead to remain constantly busy or preoccupied with the needs of others.
“This method of coping is unsustainable and unproductive because eventually they’ll get emotionally burned out, physically tired and the unmet emotional needs will still remain,” Jones-Williams explains.
Cynthia Spencer, a licensed social worker at Methodist Hospitals, recommends scheduling time alone for better mental clarity.
The notion of negative or unhealthy thoughts also may dissuade a person from actively seeking out alone time. And with the wide range of distractions available, there’s always a way to avoid having to confront those unpleasantness .
“It's unfortunate, but in today's society people tend to focus on their flaws and shortcomings,” Spencer says. “They compare themselves to others, which often leaves them feeling anxious or depressed. In these cases, it’s easier to escape into denial and instant gratification rather than to be alone with their thoughts.”
Even so Spencer and Jones-Williams agree that making time to be open to one’s thoughts is well worth the effort. Spencer suggests penciling alone time into one’s schedule and sticking to the plan — something she does every morning.
“When I awake in the morning, there are tons of thoughts that greet me,” she explains. “The majority of these thoughts are positive, while others are reminders of stressful things. But before I allow them to greet me, I greet them with a healthy affirmation. It took me years to understand that negative thoughts do not have to take residence in my mind. This morning routine gives me clarity and an understanding of self and others that helps orchestrate the course of my day in a positive mood and attitude.”
Jones-Williams echoes the idea of making alone time a priority — whatever the time of day and whatever the length of time. But the key, she says, is being truly present.
“Tuning out technology and outside noises is essential to allowing your mind to wind down and relax,” she says. “Setting your devices to 'do not disturb' for an allotted period can improve the quality of your mental health break. And even small changes can take you a long way on the road to health and wholeness.”
The goal, in the end, is to redefine “spending time alone” and, ultimately, to discover the benefits that have likely been there all along,
“Being alone with one's own thoughts is a way for an individual to learn more about who they are and what they can offer to the world,” Spencer notes. “It’s a form of self-care — unplugging from the business of life and spending quality time with your authentic self — that will ultimately help you value yourself and others.”
